When someone you love has a substance use disorder, you feel it too. You may be covering bills, making excuses to relatives, lying awake waiting for a phone call, or wondering whether you caused this. Those reactions are common, and it can be difficult to know how to respond any other way.
Family support for addiction works best when it does two things at once: it encourages your loved one toward treatment, and it protects your own health in the process. Small, steady changes in how you respond can shift how the whole family functions, even before your loved one agrees to get help.
This guide explains how you can best support a loved one struggling with substance use, including how to discuss addiction rehab and the difference that therapeutic interventions can make.
Signs Your Loved One Needs Family Support for Addiction
Sometimes, addiction is more obvious to loved ones than it is to the person struggling with substance misuse. If you suspect a substance use issue, or a return to substance use, in your loved one, there are some signs you can look for that signal it may be time to intervene.
Signs of Substance Misuse
According to the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers (NAATP), common signs of a substance use disorder include:
- Misusing legal drugs by taking them incorrectly, or using illegal drugs in risky ways
- Difficulty controlling or stopping substance use despite repeated attempts to quit
- Having intense urges to use a substance, which may lead to lying, stealing, or going to great lengths to obtain it
- Spending excessive time obtaining, using, or recovering from substances while neglecting other parts of life
- Neglecting work, family, relationships, personal hygiene, and other daily responsibilities due to substance use
- Continuing to use substances despite the harm it causes to family relationships and friendships
- Giving up social, recreational, or work activities to focus on obtaining and using substances
- Continuing to seek and use substances despite harmful consequences, which can put the individual and others at risk
- Misusing substances even when they cause worsening health problems or mental health conditions
- Needing increasing amounts of a drug over time to achieve the same effect
- Experiencing unpleasant physical or psychological symptoms when a substance wears off, and continuing to use it, anyway
If any of these signs sound familiar, it may be time to start a conversation with your loved one. Although these signs don’t always mean a substance use disorder is present, you don’t need a formal diagnosis to reach out or offer your support.
Signs of Relapse
If your loved one is already in recovery, you should be cognisant of relapse warning signs. Relapse occurs at least once for approximately 40-60% of people in recovery, and it carries significant risks. That’s why it’s just as important to offer family support in addiction recovery as it is to be there for a loved one who hasn’t started their recovery journey yet.
A review in the Yale Journal of Biology and Medicine describes early emotional and mental stages, with signs you may notice at home, such as:
- Pulling away from family, friends, or their support group
- Skipping meetings or therapy sessions, or attending without taking part
- Bottling up emotions or seeming irritable and on edge
- Poor sleep and eating habits
- Talking fondly about past use or downplaying how bad it was
- Spending time with people or places connected to past use
- Lying or becoming secretive
It’s important to note that relapse is not a sign that your loved one’s treatment has failed. Early signs are a chance to adjust the plan with the treatment team before a return to use happens.
Keep in mind that you may not see these warning signs until it’s too late. Many things can trigger relapse, including factors that are completely internal. Don’t beat yourself up for potentially missing signs, but focus on connecting your loved one to the care they need if it happens.
5 Ideas for Providing Family Support In Addiction Recovery
Family support for addiction looks different for everyone, because the best way to support your loved one is to recognize and meet their unique needs. The ideas below are a good starting point, but don’t be afraid to ask your loved one explicitly what would help them best. You can also talk to a licensed therapist who knows their individual recovery journey for suggestions on how to best support your loved one.
Talk to Your Loved One About Rehab
You can’t argue someone into treatment, but the right conversation can make it easier for them to agree to seek help. In your first conversation with them, be prepared to share your concern and provide a solution that’s easily attainable.
Before approaching your loved one, do some research on available treatment options, like the ins and outs of an outpatient treatment program. If you can point them to a great local program and answer their initial questions about getting started, they may be more open to checking it out.
Find a time to start this conversation when your loved one is sober and neither of you feels rushed, angry, or exhausted. Choose a quiet, private setting where they won’t feel cornered or embarrassed. Then, speak from your own experience to avoid coming across as accusatory. Here are some examples:
- Instead of, “You’ve been irresponsible lately.”
- Say, “I’ve noticed you’ve missed work three times this month, and I’m worried about you.”
- Instead of, “Your substance use is really hard on us.”
- Say, “I know this is hard to talk about. I’m not going anywhere.”
- Instead of, “You need to go to rehab.”
- Say, “It hurts me to see you struggle. Would you be open to talking with someone about what treatment could look like?”
Once you’ve started the conversation, your primary focus should be to listen. Ask open questions, like “How have you been feeling about your drinking?” Then, reflect back their responses. Your loved one’s insight into their own struggles will be more valuable than anything you could observe from the outside.
Support Without Enabling
Some families enable their loved one’s substance use out of love or fear. It’s also easy to unintentionally enable substance use, and many families don’t even notice when they do it.
Reflect on how you respond to a loved one experiencing a substance use disorder, and consider whether your response could be more supportive. Here are some examples of actions that enable addiction versus actions that truly support a family member who’s struggling:
- Enabling: Paying debts caused by substance use, or giving cash with no questions asked
- Supporting: Paying for a treatment program or covering a therapy copay
- Enabling: Avoiding the topic to keep the peace
- Supporting: Having a calm conversation about your concern when they’re sober
- Enabling: Withdrawing all contact as “punishment” for their behavior
- Supporting: Staying in touch and spending time together doing sober activities
In general, family support for addiction means keeping the relationship with your loved one close while letting the direct consequences of their substance use be a reminder of their actions.
Set Boundaries
Unfortunately, substance misuse can creep into every aspect of your loved one’s life, including your own life. Set boundaries that describe what you will do (not what your loved one must do) to safeguard your safety or other family members. For example, you might say, “I won’t ride in the car if you’ve been drinking” or “I won’t allow drugs or alcohol in my home.”
Make your boundaries known when your loved one is sober, and know what you plan to do if the boundary is crossed. For example, if your loved one brings drugs into your home, you may decide they aren’t welcome in your home until they get clean. You can still plan to spend time with them outside of your home, and when they’re sober.
Boundaries are especially important at big family gatherings, such as holiday or birthday celebrations. These events often involve alcohol, which can make them hard for someone who is using or newly in recovery. Consider making some events alcohol-free, or agree ahead of time on how drinks will be handled. Hosting a sober holiday gathering sets a clear boundary and keeps your loved one included at the same time.
Participate in Family Therapy
Family therapy gives everyone a structured place to talk about what addiction has done to the household, with a therapist guiding the conversation.
In practice, family therapy for addiction tends to help with:
- Communication. These sessions allow family members to have difficult conversations without placing blame or starting an argument. They also provide a great space for listening on both sides of the conversation.
- Conflict. Families often face conflicts and disagreements, and family therapy equips them with the tools to address these issues constructively. It teaches problem-solving skills and negotiation techniques to help family members find common ground.
- Understanding. Family therapy helps family members gain insight into each other’s perspectives and feelings. This understanding fosters empathy and reduces judgment, leading to more harmonious relationships.
- Strengthening relationships. By addressing underlying issues and improving communication, family therapy can strengthen the bonds between family members. This can lead to more supportive and nurturing relationships.
At North Georgia Recovery Center, family therapy is woven into every phase of our program, alongside individual and group therapy. If your loved one enrolls, ask our team how you can take part.
Take Care of Yourself, Too
To provide family support for addiction, your own health has to be taken into consideration. After all, you can’t be there for someone else if you aren’t taking care of yourself, too.
Practice self-care to help manage the stress and anxiety that can come up when dealing with your loved one’s substance use. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and engaging in activities that make you feel happy and fulfilled.
Other resources you might find helpful include:
- Al-Anon is for people affected by someone else’s drinking.
- Nar-Anon is for families and friends of people who use drugs, with in-person and virtual meetings.
- SAMHSA’s National Helpline offers free, confidential treatment referrals and information for individuals and families, 24 hours a day.
- The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline can be called or texted if your loved one is in crisis.
- Our team at North Georgia Recovery Center can answer your questions about outpatient treatment and verify your loved one’s insurance benefits to find out what’s covered.
If you need to talk to someone about what your next step should be, reach out to our admissions team. We’ll help you determine whether North Georgia Recovery Center sounds like a good fit for your loved one, and we can get in touch with them directly if you’re not sure how to talk to them about treatment.
We’re just a phone call away. Call (770) 726-2985 today to learn more.
Alden Rodgers is a content writer specializing in addiction and mental health treatment topics. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from the University of Georgia and has been writing for the healthcare industry for three years. Alden works closely with North Georgia Recovery Center’s clinical team to confirm each article’s accuracy before publication.
Tony Taylor, MA, LPC, is a Clinical Director with over 25 years of experience in behavioral health and substance use treatment. He holds a Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health and a Master of Arts degree in Human Services with a concentration in Addictions and Recovery.
